It’s petty to plead for such a thing,
There’s nothing wrong with life.
But since I was a child and in fright,
I turned to you my desperate sight.
You hear my heart is fluttering, no doubt,
Head swimming with confusion – I feel sick.
I’m scared, so scared – and frail, weak!
I loath it! How I loath it!
It’s not…I don’t…Refuse to be so meek.
But here I am
After decades of crying; of crawling through the glass
I still presume I need to take
As if I have ability to carry world upon my shoulders!
I am but human. I can’t control reality beyond my grasp,
I barely can deal with my own,
and I don’t own “apology” for something they have done!
I’m not to blame! No guilt. Just none!
It’s sounds refreshing – liberating,
And I did know it all before,
So why, oh, why I cannot shut that door?
Why thoughts keep circling in my head?
Why slight mistake makes me half dead
And I’m shaking, spiraling out control –
I guess the tough, sharp person
Hear me, my Father, please, I beg,
don’t push me over my big head.
I know I should. I swear I try,
But, please, my Lord, don’t make me …