I became unwanted before I saw the world,
Before my tongue tasted the air, I was torn.
And if I was forsaken by my own father,
What could I possibly expect from another?
Thus, I’ve never believed in sweet words,
My self-esteem but a flimsy house of cards.
But I hadn’t opted for a desperate plea,
I just imagined how good it’ll be not to be.
I’ve made many mistakes trapped in shame,
Dreaming of devotion that never once came.
Rearranging myself into something vile,
and I lived and breathed like “it” for a while.
I danced to the tunes, forgetting my voice,
Convinced that there was no other choice.
I lied. I run and was disgusted with myself,
The blame was on me and nobody else.
It took some nerves to break from the habit,
Train some imps that refused to cohabit.
I cannot vouch that I won’t turn to the wall,
But, at least, I’m learning how to stand tall.
At least, I’m trying to find some worth in me,
Be it the most simplistic ways, to some degree.
At least, I am not flinching from the light,
At least, I think that even I may be all right.
Surely it won’t cure anything that was broken,
It’s foolish to think that “pain” can be outspoken.
And even if I did shout from the rooftops in vain,
Who can understand my selfish, miserable pain?
I am not asking any more for anyone to stay,
I’ve learned to let go. I’ve learned to walk away.
I’ve accepted my place. I’ve accepted my curse,
“Don’t ever look back and prepare for the worse.”
I am happy with what Fates decided to give,
I am happy I’m here and the way I may live.
It’s a horrible state of the weak, troubled mind,
But I’m stronger than that and I leave it behind.
May it be a desgrace. May I be in the wrong,
But I’ve fought and I’ve lost. I don’t need to belong.
I can walk on my own. I don’t need fickle love,
May it hurt. It will pass, like a petulant shove.