How do you dream I wonder; because I don’t and if I do, I’m mostly aware and certain of its reality and…no.
I read plenty about dreams – “hows and whys”; in conclusion it’s a very lengthy way to say “we have no idea what is happening.” Figures, I dream (somewhat) and I have as many guesses as anyone ’bout it.
However it shakes me and intrigues simultaneously. I can touch. I can smell. I can taste. I can hurt myself too. But it’s all tight. I mean, I never had anything different. Only with time I figured it’s not strictly widespread.
This is not what concerns me. My worries lay with a thing that I don’t know how to label.
I have my dream you see, and everything goes smoothly. I know I am dreaming – fun fact, sometimes I become aware of it in the middle and that’s hilarious.
Per example, I had a nightmare. Usually, I do not remember my dreams. I only know what I’ve dreamt of based on my mood. But sometimes they are crossing a line and my subconsciousness calls for help, thus, I become aware.
Anyway, I was dreaming of an ugly monster chasing me around abandoned warehouse (original, right?) and suddenly stopped, ‘cos I figured – its my dream and my monster, so -no. The second the thought crossed my mind I appeared in a white room, calmness spreading along my veins. I flopped on the chair and happily melted into it.
On my right, thought, the door opened. I couldn’t see through. It was immersed in complicate darkness. I frowned bemusedly, watching how a disfigured muzzle of a monster peeking shyly inside, watching me with a puppy-dog eyes. I rolled my eyes and told it “shoo”; and I swear to God, it pouted and whined pleadingly. I woke up laughing.
These are good dreams; safe. Dreams that I control. But there are others. Thank God, I don’t have many of those. They never fail to scare the living daylights out of me.
The dreams that I have no control over. The dreams that are not mine. The dreams that are real.
I always recoil from them; running back home as fast as my mind can carry me. However, sometimes I wonder what if I stay? Not with a homicidal something that looked like a girl, but wasn’t. She/it is forking scary and absolutely not healthy, but others, more pleasant ones. What if I touch them? What if I linger for two seconds more – will I get control or will I slip into madness?