Worth

How many times you heard

“not worthy”

directly or indirectly, blindly or specifically

you were rejected

not enough. not exactly a fantasy

that everyone else wanted to see

and you started wondering

one minute a day

one hour per night

one day per week

one week per month

one moth per year

years and years per life…

was it life?

how many books you read

and seminars attended

to understand what exactly wrong with you

and why you cannot be

that exact way of beautiful, smart, seductive.

it didn’t work…not entirely.

something still missing.

and you yell. you expand, you go out

to the monks or into the bottle

lost in ancients scripts or amidst bodies

you don’t care to know. you don’t need to know

you search for yourself not for them or wisdom.

sometimes you return. sometimes you don’t.

not satisfactory

ugly thoughts cackling

pecking your self-confidence

destroying your illusion of control

and you cannot look in the mirror

you hate those empty eyes

especially, when you realise

you are here. you never went anywhere

though you’ve been everywhere

if you’ve bothered to look-up

to meet the gaze – only once

you’d had a chance.

now, though, there’s no worth left

no strength to see

that there’s no magical cure

no game or mantra or spell

you were born as you are

you crippled yourself – yourself

and the only purpose

or merit of you

is to be.

9 thoughts on “Worth

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